December was a crazy month! Our schedule was very full…why does December always end up like that? In between work and church Christmas parties, hosting a couple of gatherings at our house, regular suppers at Cracker Barrel, IHOP or Chili’s with our dear friends, our fantastic Christmas program at church, speaking to my sorority (topic=Sesame Street and Leadership), entertaining with my mother, oh, and work until December 18th, we had some pretty substantial adoption happenings around our household. More on the exciting adoption happenings later…let me give you a little background first.
Though our schedule was full, and I appeared all together…at times, I was not. December was a rough month for me. Not sure why – maybe it was seeing other families with their children and having thoughts of what it would be like to have Christmas with a child. Who knows. Don’t get me wrong – I had my good days. But, I also had my bad days. I was sad often and almost had to leave Sunday School during one lesson. Thankfully, the Lord brought me through December and has renewed my spirit! I’m also thankful to have an encouraging husband who was there for me each and every minute of the day. I’m so blessed!
Here’s what happened on the adoption front…it may take more than one post to get through it all.
Roller coaster: Any phenomenon, period, or experience of persistent or violent ups and downs, as one fluctuating between prosperity and recession or elation and despair; An action, event, or experience marked by abrupt, extreme changes in circumstance, quality, or behavior.
I’d say the time between December 16th and December 31st was an experience characterized by extreme changes in circumstances and emotions. We weren’t sure what was around the corner! Most of you know that I’m typically a pretty happy person and also a private person. In an effort to become more transparent, I’m going to share some things that may seem out of character for me. However, it’s all part of the journey…our journey. I feel led to let y’all in on what has been going on.
I’ll try and break the past few weeks down by situations:
Thursday, December 3rd: Get a call about twins…do we want our profile shown? We decided no…the twin factor, plus some additional aspects led us to say no.
Wednesday, December 16th: Get a call about a baby to be born in February in Texas…the birth mother asked our case manager to send her ONLY THREE profiles. Our case manager chose our profile and two others. We were very honored, thankful, and humbled…she works with a lot of adoptive families. We’re told a decision might come over the weekend. Gulp. Wow, Lord…we’ve only been officially waiting two months. Could we be matched with a birth mother this soon?
Sunday, December 20th: No word as of the end of the day.
Monday, December 21st (during the day): I call our case manager. The birth mother likes all three profiles and is having a difficult time choosing. I allow myself to get a little excited. This situation sounds ideal.
Monday, December 21st (evening): Case manager calls. At the exact moment the phone rings, I’m holding a precious baby and do my best to get up off of the floor, pass off the baby, and get to my phone. Matt and I excuse our self to the back to take the call.
The birth mother has chosen to go with another family. While sad and disappointed, I trust this is not the baby the Lord has chosen for us. Case manager tells us to not expect to hear from her until after Christmas. Fortunately, we were at someone else’s house and surrounded by kind, caring, and Spirit-filled friends. Matt and I took a moment to regroup and go out to tell our friends who were anxiously waiting. I did well the rest of the night and was able to continue to have a great time fellowshipping with folks.
Tuesday, December 22nd – Wednesday, December 23rd: The devil attacks…I begin to take this “no” a little hard. Harder than I thought I would. Why weren’t we chosen? What’s wrong with us? These were some of the darkest days of our journey. My sadness returned…it took me back to December of last year when we were being diagnosed with infertility. I didn’t really have the Christmas spirit. I just wasn’t as into it as I usually was. Matt was very concerned.
At some point that week, a very wise friend told me that perhaps the Lord was giving us a chance to regroup during Christmas. She reminded me that the case manager told us not to expect to hear from her until after Christmas. I thought about this a lot and believe the Lord knew we needed a little break. A time where we didn’t have to constantly be glued to our cell phones waiting on someone to call. A little break to breathe and relax. How blessed we are to have such encouraging people in our lives.
Like I mentioned earlier, Matt was there for me every single minute during the month of December. He was always there with an encouraging word, wise scripture passage, or just a hug. His faithfulness is amazing. We talk a lot about how we are thankful to be in this. The ups and downs have brought us closer to each other, but more importantly, to our Lord.
We headed south to visit our families on Wednesday, December 23 and had a wonderful time with them until we returned on Sunday, December 27. Those five days were spent resting, laughing, eating some wonderful food, playing games, resting some more, and truly enjoying our loved ones!
That’s it for this post…thank you for allowing me to be real with you. Your prayers lifted me up during the month of December, and I am forever thankful. Bless you.
Here’s what you have to look forward to in future posts:
- A phone call on the night of December 25th from a case manager!
- A phone call on Sunday, December 27th from the same case manager!
- A phone call on Thursday, December 31st from a different case manager!
- We’ve painted the nursery (part of it’s lime green – I know you’re thrilled it’s done, S.J.!)
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Melissa,
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your journey. I find it exciting to pray for you since it is so easy to see God working with you and through you. You better post those post quickly - I am excited to read them and pray for the next part of your journey. Thank you for using this as a chance to glorify God through the ups and downs.
Can't wait to hear the rest of the story! YOu both are amazing and I know God already has your child in His hands! Praying for you my sweet friends!
ReplyDeleteLove you!
Yes, you are right, Melissa, your Auntie SJ
ReplyDeleteis very pleased you have that nursery painted!
How in the world could you have brought your
precious baby home to an unpainted nursery....... I just know 2010 is going to be
a fabulous year for you and Matt.....
Love you....
Okay...where's the next update we've all been waiting for? It is like a tv cliffhanger we have to wait until next season for. So cruel.
ReplyDeleteI tried to get in touch with you and the fam over Christmas, but you must have been screening your calls. No one picked up over at Doc and Bev's. I hate we missed ya'll.
We continue to pray for you. I can't imagine the journey you have been through, but we can see the Lord working through you. Let us know if you ever need to talk. I enjoy getting updates through your blog.
ReplyDeleteMelissa,
ReplyDeleteYour faith is so amazing. I read your posts with tears in my eyes. Your child is going to be so blessed by having such amazing parents. I agree with an earlier post that God has your baby in His hands. I pray for comfort for you and your husband but know that this journey is only going to strengthen your relationship with the baby. I'm so excited to read the next phase in your walk.
"Wait on the Lord, trust His Word and be patient" - words from the Bible that are easy to follow when you are telling someone else to do it, BUT so hard when you are the one actually having to wait, trust, and be patient. We continue to pray and love you lots.
ReplyDeleteVirginia and Mike S.
Hey Melissa! I saw on your FB that you had a blog and decided to check it out. I think of ya'll often and this journey you are on, but never want to ask as I, too, have dealt with infertility for 6 years and know the ups and downs you know, so to have people ask even in concern, hurts because it comes as a reminder that you don't need. We have even considered adopting, too, and still may one day. I, too, am very private about my own journey and hardly anyone knows about it because to me it's just easier to not talk about it except with Jared. I have had all the feelings as you at Christmas as well as Mother's Day and Father's Day. I will continue to pray for you and Matt because I think you are some of the best people this world has to offer and deserve to bless a child as its parents!
ReplyDelete